I can do this.....

Tired and frustrated doesn't even begin to cover it. I need help. I need phsycial working bodies to help me move and set up the store. It isn't even a 1/4 of the way finished and I open in 2 weeks.....I have orders I need to put together and send. I am soooooo very much in pain. And yet, I know it will be worth it in the end. I have outstanding products that no one else will have in the region! I am across from a college and next door to a college book store!  Please Lord and Lady, help me find the strentgth and fortitude to get things done and set up in a manner that will be timely, beautiful and bring forth spriitual enlightenment and help for all those involved. So mote it be.

Moving in to Bayou Witch

What an adventure it has been so far. We have furniture to move, and then we can move product and set up. I have Sept 17th as opening day......Mark is handling it very well actually - he hurts today, but ha has been very well behaved overall during the move of the heavy items. And Larry Bailey, the man I know from the Post Office has been an incredible friend and a great help. I never knew his interest in me other than a friend. But yesterday as a friend of his and I spoke about Reiki and Spirituality - I figured it out......he is fascinated that I am a Witch. I think he is a stellar man, and Sandy is blessed to have him. I am proud to call him my friend.

The furniture is partially moved in, along with the fridge Mark bough on Craigslist for 300.00. It seems to be in very good shape, but I don't think it works  in my opinion. We'll see....

I want to store to be a book store, with candles, incense, oils, and various other curios involving hoodoo, and Southern Magicks. I want to have an herbal room, and also a room of herbal teas.....I have over 300 herbs, and about 35 teas. I also have spell mixes, powders, loose incense, resin incense, amber essences, and loads of tarot cards.....we will be giving tarot readings.....and hopefully Reiki and certified massages.....a veritiable Witch's Haven.

I amalso bringing over my entire library to sell  as used which is half off....Ithink this will fill the shelves and also offer people books they can't find anywhere else....I am still stuck on if I should offer calenders or not....I probably will....but that wil be after we get in and open and I see how things go.

My main concern now is the store sign outside.....this is a MUST - and I need to call people and get quotes and get it up before we open.......so MOnday this will be my morning phone calls...

The product for the store is still showing up - lol - and Mark said last night to stop spending "his" money. Okay - I thought - after he told me that he knewthis was my "dream" a few days earlier. He hurts and when he does, you just leave him alone and go at it without him....I know for a fact.....that I will be making the candles by myself.....but he may help.....I got some cool-ass candle molds....so hopefully I can keep his interested peaked.

whew....how I wish I was 20 again......Larry just called and they'll be over here at the house soon.....so - Mark will stay in bed. and We'll get her done!

Okay - deep breath

I have so much to do today - boxes to pick up for shipping 7 sets of the Kitchen Grimoire...3 wholesale orders to start soaking and crafting, the lease on the business possibly this afternoon along with a doctorsw apoointment for this experimental crap I am taking that is supposed to help with my depression....depression you ask?  Really?????   Yes.......REALLY.

It is called Seroquel XR - I think it is a death drug....but hey, it has been working these last three weeks....and I feel stronger and more willing to voice my opinion, less apt to just sit down and cry about things....I am much more functional....so yeah, it may kill me, but I'll go down kicking and screaming at least.

I am letting the book get the best of me.....and I shouldn't  - but Llewellyn should not second guess my entiremanuscript after they have had it over a year, had me revise it several times, finish the artowrk, rearrange the chapters, and have it for presale on Amazon and their website.....and NOW they are questioning the info?? You see my dilemma here??

Oh well....another day in the life of a witch....we are supposed to live these magickal lives where everything we do is rainbows and unicorns (and glitter)....well when I let the dogs were out this morning and I was watering the herbs and filling the pond I had lots of dragonflies grace me with landing on my shoulders.....here is what dragonfly symbolizes  so I am taking a deep breath, today will end up being a good day.

KISS MY ROSEY RED ASS

So Bill Krause from Llewellyn emails me this morning. I guess this woman named Kristi has taken all my recipes and placed them on her website Pagan Promises. Bill asks me "are these yours"? "Yes," I answer. "Well can you contact her and have her take them down?" Bill asks....

What the fuck.....you have lawyers out the ass....and don't get me worng, I don't mind being asked if the info is mine.....but if it is.....ya'll take care of it.

Are the accused going to listen to me??? Hell no...are they going to listen to a HUGE publishing house by the name of Llewellyn?? YOU BETCHA!

I am sick of the book, sick of the constant "is this yours?" It is months into the book publishing process...do you think I would have sent you a manuscript that doesn't have any of my info in it??? FUCK NO......yet every day or so Bill emails me...here is a page...can you have them take it down....UGH......like I have nothing else going on in my life.

The "Fair Use" law thing is going around, and one page copies from another, and another, and another....and it breeds like a virus that cannot be stopped.

As far as I can see the book will never be published....and you know what I don't give a flying fuck at this point.

I have a store to open, a online store to run, products to craft, house to clean and take care of...AND a sick husbnad, and somewhere in the midst of all of that a LIFE.....this truly, truly SUCK ASS..

Bittersweetness......

As I begin the day, I am a bit shell-shocked from last night. Don't remember the dreams so much, but tired. Like I ran a marathon and didn't finish. I have to do so much today, and I am still very worried about the book. And Mark......oh yes.....Mark.

He told me last night that because he had some meeting, they deemed him work worthy and he may not receive his check anymore - which means ALL the bills, insurance, the store, etc are on me. Thanks Mark. We do have some money in the bank, but it won't last forever. We need to open the store NOW - and yet, I don't think we have the resources money wise to open it now. I mentioned to mark yesterday that purchasing a garage door and moving everything in there with an air conditioner/space heater for the wetaher we have may be the cheapest and best bet. With no obligations to another lease. He got mad saying we bought all this furiniture and stuff......well that can wait ....we WILL have a store...just not the one we wanted. Although I am going to call that Ryan guy again....and push him one more time.

I also need to speak to the landlord, who is also a man named Ryan about the fans on the roof, the broken tiles, and the house in general.

Also on a bittersweet note, my dear daughter Hannah - whom I barely know.....has now moved to Lawrence, Kansas to get her masters degree in carbonate sedimentology - AND a free ride to boot. How cool is that...although I am certain Glen is hearyu broken to have basically lost his little girl....Matthew is also going back to CU in Boulder, so Glen will be back with Josh (who lives in the basement)----and whoknows how that works out.

I took the dogs out last night and met the Mother Moon, raised my hands to her and thanked her for all the blessings that have been broght to me.....may they continue......

Dreaming 8/13/11

Mike Lester was a dj on KBCO in Denver back in 1993 and I was on the rebound of a 2- year relationship with Steve Baldini. I was drinking at a bar called Rick's Cafe in Denver, and met him there. It was snowing quite heavily and he invited me back to his house - which happened to be at the end of the block, the address was 1 Monroe. The short lived romance ended badly....I guess I was too much for him to handle. Sex with him was horrid....but he thought I was amazing....lol

He wanted to get back together a few months later but I had moved in with Glen Wasserman, an old high school teacher and friend, who I knew was safe and would take care of me.

Glen is an entirely different story and one that will be told off an on in this blog.

The dream last night was of myself and Mike in the Fairways apartment complex.....which I dream of quite often .....and we were with a geeky music freak smoking some sort of weed, that I didn't want any part of. It was bulbus and you flesh colored long and on a stem, you picked a piece off and inhaled the end of the bulb.....weird stuff and extremely smoky. We listened to some 45's, Genesis, Supertramp and a few others I can't wuite remember.... and Mike was quite loveable, but I couldn't deal with it. All the smoke in the room was making me very high....so I walked outside and started going down the steps. It was a grey, cloudy day, and kind of cool....nice for Denver, which usually has a tremendously large amount of sunny days. I lost the connection to the dream at that poine feeling Mark ask the dogs if they wanted to go out, of which none of them moved, becasue I was still in bed.

I kept going in and out of lucid dreaming, thinking I was sleeping in the bed, or laying on the couch at the apartment with Mike. I thought I felt Mark get out of bed.....and when I woke up he was gone, I called out his name and he didn't answer......I said to the dogs - he took all the money out of the bank - and then he turned the corner inot the bedroom. Mark was just eating breakfast - his normal bowl of cereal and milk.

The medicine I am on is making for some freaky deams and bringing people back into my life that have been gone for more than 20 years.....am I supposed to look at these dreams and people and try and figure out the message or is just chemically induced.....I don't know. But the feelings I wake up with each morning are anything but normal.

I know I am empathically inclined, and I can read people very well.....just certain people have their shields up so high I can't get to them....but today feels like a very sensitive day.....

INTRODUCTION

Welcome to the freak show. This is a blog of my wild and untamed mind. One of freaky dreams, an outrageous life of crafting incense, oils, potions, and philtres for the Witchy community at large.

This blog is basically a vent-all, dream journal and catch-all of my thoughts (which are usually where the buses don't run).

Again welcome, and be sure to throw all sensibilities and dogma out the door before you go any further.....for I am not apologizing for anything I post here. Period.